The Lives of Harry Lime v1.0 Read online

  ‘You make very pretty little speeches. I adore that. What is your profession?’

  I wasn’t too sure, at that time, exactly what it was myself, so I replied that it was mostly concerned with the export trade. She looked disappointed and I asked her why.

  ‘I had allowed myself to hope that you were a sailor,’ she replied.

  That presented no difficulty. ‘Well, I have been a sailor. Will that help?’

  She hesitated, ‘You’d have to have Master’s papers. I am here with my yacht. Perhaps you have seen it in the harbour.’

  I said I had seen a big three-master with a black hull.

  ‘It’s mine. We have lost our captain. I am very sorry you aren’t a ship’s captain. I would like to see you in the blue jacket with the gold buttons.’

  The prospect also appealed to me, so I answered ‘Would you believe it, I was a ship’s captain.’

  , ‘I do not believe it. No.’ Her tone was definite.

  .‘But I have Master’s papers.’

  She thought for a moment. Then she asked where they were.

  ‘In Barcelona.’

  ’That is a bore because we are leaving tomorrow.’

  I jumped at the opportunity. ‘I’ll have someone bring ’em down by train tonight’

  She smiled. ‘In other words you want the job.’

  ‘In other words I’ve got the job.’

  Her silence was assent enough for me. I suggested that she might give me her name. As she rose to go her yellow eyes were smiling. ‘I am the Baroness von Koenigswald. But my first orders are that you will call me Nadya.’ And then she was gone.

  I needed that job too much, and of course she knew it. I don’t say she didn’t like me, but there wasn’t any doubt of it that season that I was a little frayed about the seams. So I phoned a friend of mine, a forger up in Barcelona, who made arrangements to cook up some papers for me and rush them down to the coast.

  The next morning I had the forged papers safely in my pocket. The truth was, of course, that I had never been a sailor in my life unless you count the work I had to do as a deckhand when they found me stowed away on a short trip from Alexandria to Naples. But I needed that job bad. And after one look into those huge yellow cat’s eyes of hers, I would have jumped at any job she offered, whether I needed it or not.

  She was waiting for me at the top of the gangplank, immaculate in white slacks and a sweater which revealed more than it concealed. She asked me how I liked the ship.

  ‘It’s a beauty.’ I replied.

  ’The steward will take your luggage down to your cabin.’ she told me. ‘Right now you’ll be needed on deck to superintend our departure.’

  I felt as though our little Mediterranean cruise was going to suit me fine. I asked her where we were going.

  Her reply was soft, caressing and…a bombshell.

  ’To China.’

  Algeciras, Spain, to Hong Kong, China—that’s quite a run for an old salt whose only experience as a navigator had consisted of piloting a canoe around the shallow end of Lake Winnebago, Wisconsin I Luckily I had thought to bring along a little help; his name was Sidney Carton—an ex-smuggler, or rather an unemployed smuggler. I’d run into Sidney on various litde capers in and around the Mediterranean and I figured that he was crooked enough so I could trust him. His main attraction besides a shock of dirty carrot-coloured hair and a glass eye, was a set of teeth like a rotten rake.

  But if Sidney was an eyesore, he was a gift from heaven as far, as Captain Lime was concerned. He was a real sailor, remember, and covered up for me, doing all the real work while I walked around in my blue jacket with the gold buttons on. But naturally he wasn’t doing this for love, so I had found it necessary to make him a few promises. I had told him that we were one of the ships of a big smuggling organisation, and that he was to get part of the rake-off.

  As it turned out the con I was handling out to poor Sidney to persuade him not to jump ship was getting to look less like con every day, and more like the facts.

  Something about this trip was fishier than all the fish in the sea. I didn’t know what, but I was keeping my eyes open.

  Why had I been signed on with a few questions asked? Why had we left so quickly? Above all, what had happened to the original captain? Oh, it was queer enough all right. But in spite of all these unresolved questions, the trip was becoming a real pleasure cruise. For while Sidney looked after the handling of the ship, I looked after Nadya—to both her and my own evident satisfaction.

  Then one night I was up on deck finishing a cigarette. Suddenly a voice spoke to me out of the shadows.’Arry, ’Airy.’ It was Sidney. I moved over to him: he was trembling with excitement. ‘I’ve found the contraband,’ he said. ’Under the floorboards. Amazing it is, amazing. But perhaps I ought to begin with the explosives.’

  ’Explosives!’ I interjected.

  ‘Very powerful they are. Enough to blow this ship to China.’ His voice was frightened.

  That was a nice thought.

  ‘But that’s not the contraband.’ he went on, then he took my arm. ‘Did you ever notice that glass box in the chart-house with a sign over it that says “Emergency Only”.’

  Something moved on deck. I motioned him for silence. After some moments I nodded and he went on in a whisper: ‘And I found out about the captain, ’Arryf do you know who ’e Was? He was a naval officer for ’Itler—an ’igh an’ mighty mucky muck in the Nazi Navy…an”is name?’

  ‘What’s his name to do with it?’ I interrupted.

  ‘I’m cornin’ to that…It was Von Koenigswald! ’

  I was silent.

  ‘Yes it’s her ’usband,’ he went on. ‘And what with the contraband an’ the explosives…those explosives are all wired up an’ set to go. This ain’t a ship, it’s a bomb! ’

  ‘And the contraband?’ I asked. He didn’t have time to reply, for there was a sudden movement farther along the deck.

  I whispered: ‘I’ll be back in a second,’ and moved out of the shadows. Nadya was by the rail.

  ‘It’s too hot to sleep…isn’t it?’ There was invitation in her tone.

  ‘It’s pretty hot all right.’

  ‘Keep me company, Harry…I’m lonely.’

  When I finally got down to my own cabin, it was dawn. I didn’t dare go looking for Sidney, and anyway I was bone tired. I couldn’t have slept for more than an hour, when a knocking at the door awoke me. It was Mathews, the third officer. His news was that Sidney was gone. Just that—gone—in mid-ocean. x

  The news was serious, but I managed to make a deal with young Mathews. I showed him some papers I happened to have proving that I was a secret operative from the F.B.I., and explained that he would have to cover up for me the way Carton had been doing before, and pretty soon everything was under control again.

  It was late in March when we sighted Hong Kong. I’d learned how to imitate a sea captain by then but I was more than a little anxious about my papers. There’d been a nasty moment or two in Tahiti for one thing, and I still didn’t know anything about the purpose of the trip. Sidney hadn’t got around to telling me what the contraband was before he disappeared. But before we got to the harbour a speedboat came up to us. For a nasty moment I thought it might be the police, but Nadya said that it belonged to her. She told me that the two of us had a dinner engagement.

  We’d been riding up the river in the motorboat for a good half-hour before she took it into her beautiful head to explain. We were going to meet a General Wei, former Governor of one of the largest southern provinces.

  ’The General is planning to retrieve the lost provinces,’ she said. ‘Luckily he is a wealthy man and had many investments in Tangier. It was my mission to bring him some of his wealth which will be needed in the coming war. I think you have guessed what happened to Baron von Koenigswald…?’

  ‘I think so. I think the Baron had a wife and I think his wife bumped him off.’

  She nodded her affirmative. ‘He was
a greedy man. I had reason to suspect that he planned to take part of the gold for himself.’

  Gold. So that was what Sidney had found.

  ‘Yes,’ she went on. ’That’s why I couldn’t tell you earlier. It would have been too much of a temptation. The ship is lined with gold: half a million dollar’s worth.’

  You know those Chinese ships that look like some kind of cross between a Spanish galleon and a floating chop suey store? Well, pretty soon we came up to the biggest and gaudiest on the river. We were helped aboard with a whole lot of Oriental fanfare, and I gathered that in a minute we were going to be presented to his nibs, the warlord, himself. Then a dignified old gentleman emerged from the crowd, and Nadya ran over and embraced him. After a moment she turned to me and said: ’This is General Wei—Mr. Harry Lime. Harry may I present my father?’

  He laughed at my surprise. ‘Her mother was a White Russian refugee.’ he explained. ‘I met her in Cheefoo and made the mistake of marrying her. Nadya, however, is no mistake. She is my very precious jewel, Mr. Lime, and I thank you for taking such good care of her.’

  With that we moved into lunch. Lunch! I know you’ve heard about shark’s fins and bird’s nest soup, but I bet you never knew that a Chinese banquet can last seven and a half hours. Well, this one did—with eating all the way. We hadn’t finished even then, when a sailor dashed in, made obeisance to the General, and muttered something in Chinese. Everyone got up in consternation.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ I asked Nadya.

  She was distraught. ’The boat, Harry—our boat with all the gold on it—it has vanished! ’

  While we were stuffing ourselves someone had made off with the yacht. Word came to us that it was going downstream towards the open sea. We dashed across the saloon, over the decks and into a launch that was moored at the side. The General gave rapid orders in Chinese.

  We had a dangerous-looking gang of hatchet men with machine-guns on our launch, and it could make good speed. It wasn’t long before we neared the yacht, and I could read the name Golden Fleece on its stern. The General hailed them, but the only reply we got was a shot across our bows. The hatchet men replied with their machine-guns, and I could see that a lot of damage was done to the crew on board the yacht. I could see that they weren’t my crew, but were strangers—Chinese.

  Our deck was about parallel with their superstructure and as soon as we were alongside, the General jumped, with me after him and Nadya a close third. As soon as we hit the deck a shot rang out and the general fell to his knees. Nadya and I were at his side in an instant. We managed to get him in the shelter of the chart-house. Then a mean-looking Mongol I hadn’t noticed before, high up in the shrouds bit off the end of a grenade and threw it smack into our launch.

  ‘Well, there goes everybody on our side,’ I said. ‘I guess this is it, Nadya.’

  A figure appeared on the bridge. ‘Yes, Nadya, this is it,’ he said.

  Nadya gasped. Her father cried: ‘You, Von Koenigswald.’

  He smiled. ‘Don’t worry, Nadya. I am not a ghost. Happily for me I was not as dead as you thought I was when you pushed me into the sea. And you should have remembered I am a good swimmer…Keep your hands in the air, please, all three of you.’

  We were in a spot. ‘What are you going to do with us?’ Tasked.

  ‘I am going to do unto others as they would do unto me. If you happen to remember any prayers, you’d better start saying them. All three of you.’

  The General was losing a lot of blood. ‘I am wounded, Koenigswald, and dying. It doesn’t matter about me, but Nadya…’ his voice trailed away.

  ’Father, I am your true child. Do you think I would leave you now?’ She bent over him and loosened his collar.

  This was all very well, but I am not the heroic type. ‘What about me?’ I asked.

  Nadya turned towards the bridge. ‘Hans, this man has done nothing to harm you, let him swim for it.’

  ‘He knows about the gold, Nadya, and I prefer to keep that as my own secret.’

  ‘He also knows about something else, don’t you, Harry?’ Nadya was speaking quickly. ‘Carton told you about it the night I killed him. A tiny glass window here by my hand. He explained it to you. I heard him. The sign says: “Emergency Only”. Remember what he said, Harry: “This isn’t a ship. It’s a bomb.” ’

  Von Koenigswald moved forward with an oath, but Nadya motioned him back. ‘Go, Harry,’ she whispered. ’Over the side.’

  When I surfaced I heard her voice again. ‘Goodbye, Harry,’ it called. Immediately after it there was a piercing explosion and brilliant orange flash.

  A sampan picked me up, but I almost drowned myself first thinking about all that gold—half a million dollars’ worth of it—going down to the bottom of the sea.

  I told this story, just as I’ve told it to you, to a man I bumped into a couple of days after I was put ashore. *1 know the spot where it happened,’ I said, ‘I’ve got it marked exactly on the map. It’ll cost about £20,000 to do the salvage but that still leaves a pretty big margin of profit. I just wondered whether you’d be interested, sir, in investing?’

  He finished his drink. ‘I wonder if you know who I am?’

  I shook my head.

  ‘I happen to be the Lord Constable and Chief of Police in this colony. We have a full dossier on your activities as a confidence man, and I thought I’d let you tell your tale because I wanted to know how you work. Lime, that salvage racket is the oldest of all the skin games—I’m surprised at your trying it on anybody, least of all on a policeman. Good night now, and, by the way, we’d be much happier here if you’d leave town. Within the next twenty-four hours that is.’

  I think you’ll understand why I don’t like telling this story. Whoever I tell it to usually turns out to be a cop, but that isn’t the worst of it.

  The worst of it is that it is all true.

  ART IS LONG AND LIME IS FLEETING

  by

  Sigmund Miller

  I think that it is about time I told you about the most bitter success I ever had. The ‘business deal3 which I conducted with such shill and artistry worked out superbly according to plan—unfortunately! It was the worst good luck that ever befell me. Lady Fortune smiled at me as she knocked me over the head.

  I shall not burden you about how I met two lovely Brazilian women, Inez and Aurora. They were very rich and were in Paris on a buying spree. The three of us became inseparable friends in short order. I told them that I was a dealer in masterpieces of famous painters. They were most eager to see my collection. Consequently I began to browse around old antique shops looking for something to sell them.

  I was in about the tenth shop on my list when I noticed something that might suit my purposes. It was a picture of a nude bather, and in a dark light from a distance, it might look a little like a Renoir. I looked the picture over carefully to see if it had a signature on it, but luckily there was no inscription.

  ‘Looks a little like a Renoir.’ I said tentatively.

  The dealer looked doubtful: ‘Well…perhaps…’

  I asked him how much it was.

  ’Ten thousand francs.’

  ’That’s plain robbery!’

  He laughed. ‘It’s a fine painting, and as you say it looks a little bit like a Renoir.’

  When I offered to give him an extra thousand francs if he put the picture in a heavy gold frame that I had noticed hanging on the wall, he was appalled. ’Oh, no, Monsieur,’ he exclaimed, ’That frame is worth more than the picture.;

  ‘All right—twelve thousand francs. No more bargaining. Is it a deal?’

  Five minutes later I was walking out of the shop with the picture underneath my arm.

  I took a suite at the elegant George Cinque Hotel, and hung the picture on the wall with a tiny spotlight over it Underneath I had a plaque which read simply: ‘Renoir’. Then I invited Inez and Aurora to have cocktails with me in my suite.

  We took a long time over cocktails. I had
prepared the ground well, and they were on tenterhooks to go into the next room and see the painting. But it is a part of my technique to allow my clients to become more anxious than me to clinch a deal. Moreover, I was enjoying myself. The two girls were undeniably lovely.

  Eventually, however, I allowed myself to be persuaded, and took them in to see it. The room was in darkness, and I turned on the single light over the picture. Then I turned to them:

  ‘Magnificent, isn’t it?’ I asked.

  ‘It is beautiful,’ said Inez.

  ‘I’ve looked at this picture a thousand times—many times a day for the last few years. I just cannot part with it. Look at the form of the bather—so chaste, so full of feeling: see how the Master subjugates detail into divine form.’

  Aurora said: ‘It’s a Master’s piece.’ She often made mistakes of that sort when she was excited. We * all laughed at her mistake. Then Inez said:

  ‘How much do you want for this painting, Harry?’

  ‘I don’t think I want to sell it,’ I replied.

  There were exclamations of dismay. ‘You and your mind changing: that is not nice,’ cried Aurora.

  ‘It’s true I want the money, but—well you understand—it is the one beautiful thing in my life.’

  They reminded me that I was a dealer and must not go back on my word. I said that I must think about it, that there was no hurry.

  ‘But we must have it,’ Aurora insisted.

  I offered to take them out to lunch on the next day; we would decide then.

  ‘If you do decide to sell, how much will you want for it?’ asked the practical Inez.

  T would never sell it under four million francs.’

  ’Four million!’ they exclaimed together.

  I was triumphant. ’Too much money for you,’ I said, ‘and too hard for me to part with it. So we will remain just friends.—’

  ‘I do not care how much money, I must buy it,’ interrupted Aurora.